- Take turns and talk one at a time, with no interruptions
- Use common courtesy—no name calling, etc
- Use a time-out sign when you want to remind each other of the rules
- Express clearly the problem as you see it, how you feel, and what you would like to have done to change the situation
- Discuss one issue at a time without being defensive
- Make sure you agree on what the problem is
- Listen carefully to what the other person is saying, thinking and feeling about the problem
- List different solutions and steps for resolving the problem. Write them down, and don’t discard any ideas
- Discuss the good points of each solution. What are the drawbacks?
- Choose a plan you are both comfortable with
- Decide how you will carry out the plan. What are the steps? Who will do what, when?
- Decide a time to discuss progress and/or other problems
- Recognize what you have both accomplished in working out the problem